Opinion

Five things I want to say to those who are being bullied as a former bullied child

When I was in school, I was often bullied.

When I was in junior high school, the school was pretty rough and I was bullied by a group of delinquents.

In high school, I was constantly bullied by various people, such as my seniors and classmates, and I was crying in the classroom after being beaten up, or running to the study room right next to the staff room during recess to avoid being bullied by the bullies.

I was bullied mentally and physically by many people: I was suddenly made to do a one-shot gag in front of many people, I was slapped in the face every time I passed a senior student in the hallway, I was often beaten with a bamboo sword without protective gear in the kendo club I belonged to, my arm was burned with a hair straightener, and my arm swelled up like I had never seen before when I was beaten up for playing wrestling.

The scars from the bullying are still on my body.

Looking back now, I think I was bullied a lot when I was a student.

But since I started working, I have had nothing to do with bullying, and even though it is painful, I am living toward my dreams and feeling the casual joys of everyday life.

The painful time caused by the bullying did not last forever, and looking back now, I feel that I was living in a small and narrow world.

Of course, when I left the group where I was bullied, I was no longer bullied.

So, bullying is not the be-all and end-all of this world.

After graduating from high school, I went to college and after that I started working and met a lot of good people.

I’m sure you are feeling pain and suffering from bullying right now, but that’s not all there is to this world.

If you get out of such a narrow world and into another, you will encounter many fun things in your life in the future.

In this article, I would like to think about bullying and how we can deal with it.

I hope you will keep in mind that if you step out of your small, narrow world, there are still many fun things in this world that you don’t know about.

The fact that I was bullied so fiercely and am now able to live my own life is proof of this.

The argument that “bullied people also have a cause” is completely wrong

There are people who say that bullied people also have a cause, but I think that argument is completely wrong.

The reason why bullies bully is because they are “quiet”, “fat”, or “annoying”, and the person being bullied has not done anything wrong and is usually being bullied for unreasonable reasons.

Even if the person being bullied has a quiet personality, it is not okay to bully them for that reason.

For example, if your neighbor is rich, is it okay to steal his money?

In this case, I think it is obvious that the person who stole the money is 100% at fault and the person who had the money stolen is not even 1% at fault.

The one who is at fault is definitely the one who attacked the person with malicious intent and for unreasonable reasons.

Trying to find a cause for something on the part of the bullied person is simply an attempt by the assailant to justify his or her actions.

But, as long as there is unreasonable malice, there is no way we can agree with the assailant’s argument.

So, for those who say that bullied people also have a cause, I think you should just ignore them, thinking that they are insane people who have no consideration for those who are in a weaker position.

Let them say what they want. No one will agree with them.

If you are being bullied, there is no need to listen to the words of someone who has no compassion for those who are in a weaker position.

“There is nothing wrong with me.”

I want you to make this a basic premise in your mind first.

How to solve bullying

Before we look at specific ways to solve bullying, I think that there are two main directions in which bullying can be solved.

The first is to confront the bully, and the second is to run away from the bully.

It is not a question of which is better or worse, or whether it is cool to confront and uncool to run away.

In my case, I solved the bullying by confronting it.

When I say “I confronted,” it wasn’t cool at all, I just looked down and told my parents about the bullying in a quiet voice while we were eating dinner with my family… lol

I’ll tell you more about it later, but later my father yelled at the school and most of the bullying was resolved.

Also, I don’t think it’s necessary to force yourself to confront bullies, and if you want to run away, I think that’s an option that should be highly encouraged.

I think you should run away with all your might.

When you start working, you will be required to solve problems in various ways, but I think that “taking it easy and running away sometimes” is an excellent approach to problem-solving.

I don’t think it’s cowardly.

In the first place, the person who is bullying is a coward.

There are many solutions.

The overwhelming majority of people in the world are against bullying, and since we live in such a world, there are many ways to solve bullying, and the overwhelming majority of people in the world are on your side.

So, Let’s take a look at some specific ways to solve bullying, including my own experiences.

Confront the bully

Talk to your parents

I told my parents that I was being bullied, and I was able to make the bullying situation better.

After I told my parents about the bullying, it seems that my father went to the school to yell at them, and then the teacher and I had a chance to talk with the bully, and the bully apologized to me.

In fact, the group around the bully stopped bullying me, and maybe because the other bullies heard about it, the bullying against me almost disappeared after that.

Although I still felt the cold stare of the bullies, there was no more direct physical or verbal violence, and my life was much more peaceful than before.

I was afraid of getting revenge after I told the adults about the bullying, but that was not the case.

I think that even bullies have a conscience.

The bully is just a human being, so I don’t think they want to bully a bullied person without a valid reason, even after they apologized.

And since my parents were behind me and knew about the bullying, I think the bully was afraid of my parents’ presence.

So, asking the teacher for advice may be a good idea, but I think it is more effective to talk to the parents first.

Parents are desperate for their children, and I often hear that some schools are reluctant to solve bullying or cover up bullying, so I think the first thing you should do is to rely on your parents.

Parents want to help their children, and in such cases, you can rely on them as much as you can.

Even if they don’t go to the school to yell at teachers like they did in my case, I’m sure they will be able to offer various other effective solutions.

It took me a lot of courage to tell my parents about the bullying, but now I am glad that I told them about it.

Thanks to that, the bullying didn’t escalate and cause further damage to my body, nothing serious happened, and I am now able to live my life in my own way without being bullied.

Talk to an expert on bullying issues

If you find it difficult to talk about bullying to people close to you, you can call the national anti-bullying agency to discuss bullying.

If you stay in a situation where you don’t know what to do, your problem will not be solved.

But, if you take the plunge and make a phone call, the counselor may be able to give you specific advice and take concrete action, and then the situation will start to move forward and the bullying will likely be resolved.

So, I think it is important to take action, no matter what it is.

If just one phone call can make things go in the right direction, then in a sense, it’s the most valuable thing you can do.

Also, it is much easier mentally to share your current situation with other people than to deal with it alone.

So please don’t hesitate to call them when you want to, even if you just want them to listen to you first, it’s totally fine.

There is nothing wrong with you, and I hope that you will not feel alone, but take advantage of the help you can get from the people around you.

I’m sure you have more on your side than you can imagine!

Fight back against bullies

This is a risky way to fight back, but I think that fighting back against bullies is one option.

I think that being bullied means that you are being underestimated.

They think that because you are quiet and don’t fight back, it’s okay to do whatever they want.

So, if you can fight back against these bullies, they may not bother you again.

However, depending on who you are dealing with, there is of course the possibility that they will escalate their bullying.

This is a risky approach, and I honestly don’t know if it will work or if it will make things worse.

I think this is a solution that has two extremes: hopefully they won’t try to get involved with you at all in the future, and on the other hand, it may cause the bullying to escalate even more.

Incidentally, when using this solution, I think that this counterattack strategy will be effective not against those who seem to be born with bad behavior, but against those who are in a group and gradually start to bully.

This is because I don’t think that people who gradually start to get cocky in a group are so fundamentally violent, and they don’t have the energy to fight back again against counterattacks.

Rather, they are more likely to think back and say, “Maybe I went a little too far.”

So, if you are going to fight back, I think you have to do so while looking at the person you are fighting back against.

I don’t think you should provoke people who have pierced ears or whose behavior and words are clearly naughty by fighting back.

You never know what kind of revenge such people will take.

Therefore, I think you should confront bullies with the help of the adults around you.

Talk to the police

Many forms of bullying are criminal acts.

If someone punches or kicks you, they are guilty of “assault“; if someone breaks your property, they are guilty of “damage to property“; if someone steals your property, they are guilty of “theft“; if someone posts something insulting on the Internet, they are guilty of “insult” or “defamation“; if someone threatens you, they are guilty of “blackmail.”

There is no reason why such criminal acts should be committed with impunity, and you should, by nature, take a firm stand.

Therefore, I think it is totally possible to go to the police for advice about being damaged, and in one case, the police contacted the school after the bullied child consulted the police, and the bullying was later resolved, so it might be a good idea to go to the police for advice.

I also think that the word “police” sounds even scarier to some people who are doing bad things, so showing the bullies that you have the police behind you can be a great shield to protect you and yourself from the bullies.

The bullies would indeed not want to be in the hands of the police.

Criminal behavior is obviously unacceptable, and you should not hesitate to ask for help if you have been the victim of a criminal act.

Any behavior that goes too far should be severely punished.

Running away from bullying

Change school

If you are afraid of revenge from the bully or you are sick and tired of the relationships at school, changing schools is one effective option.

Homeschooling is also a good option.

You don’t go to school and study at home.

In fact, there are many people who have switched to homeschooling after being bullied, so if you are interested, you may want to look into homeschooling, and if there is a school you think you can transfer to, you may be able to transfer there.

If you have a difficult relationship with someone, I think you should leave that environment.

For example, there are a lot of adults who change jobs because they don’t like the relationships in the workplace.

Relationships in the workplace always come up as the number one or number two reason for changing jobs.

So, since adults often change their environments when they find it hard, there is naturally no need for students to stay in a hard environment all the time, and I believe that students naturally have no need to endure anything.

Stop attending school

I honestly don’t think you need to force yourself to go to school.

So, I think it would be fine if you stopped going to school.

For example, in today’s Japanese society, there is a mysterious obsession that if you stray from the main path, you will never be able to go back, but to be clear, that is not true.

There are many people who have been out of school but have been able to go to college or get the job they wanted.

I have many friends who quit their jobs and became NEETs, but then started working again and are enjoying their lives.

What is the main path in the first place?

Do we all have to be on it in the same way?

Is it wrong to run away from a painful environment?

I have no idea what that means.

It is up to each person to decide what kind of life he or she wants to lead, and there are many people who seemingly lead a different life who later became very successful.

Even Edison, the king of inventors, dropped out of elementary school.

In today’s world, there are many options.

If one path fails, it is not the end of your life.

Even if you have stopped going to school, there are plenty of opportunities for the rest of your life.

Depending on how you feel, you can change your life in any way you want.

So I don’t care if you stop going to school or become a NEET.

My answer to this question, which I have learned from my own severe experiences in life, is that life is not so bad after all.

Besides, now is not the time when it is praiseworthy to persevere and keep on doing even the hardest things.

In fact, when news reports of a company that drives its employees to suicide by forcing them to work too hard are reported, the company is strongly criticized.

I think, based on my own experience, that it is better not to be too patient and to take it easy if it seems painful.

Your own existence is much more important than that of a stranger

I mentioned above how to respond to bullying, but again, specific actions can be taken to change the current situation.

You will need to take concrete action to either confront the bullying or run away from it.

And at that point, I don’t think you need to hesitate to do anything to strangers such as teachers, telephone counseling center staff, police, or bullies.

I understand that it is difficult to talk to others about being bullied.

I understand that feeling of not wanting to speak up: “I don’t want people around me to worry,” “I don’t know if they will understand my difficult situation,” “I don’t know if I can solve the bullying by consulting them,” and “They are probably busy and I feel bad about talking to them about my situation.”

I used to think like that.

But, in the end, the most important thing for you is your own existence, and while you are in a difficult situation because of being bullied, I think that there is no need to hesitate to speak up for others.

First of all, you should think about releasing your own suffering.

Your priority is yourself >>>>>>>>>> others.

When you are in pain, let others help you, and when others are in pain, you can help them.

This world is built on mutual help, so we should help each other when we are in trouble.

I’m sure that the excellent and kind people around you will lend you their wisdom in many ways.

Also, in school life, which is not everything in life, I think there is no need to hesitate to do anything, even more so to strangers who do not get along with you and who just bully you.

When you confront them, you can confront them firmly.

You will probably never see the bully again in your life after you graduate from school.

You will not be associated with these bullies for the rest of your life.

At best, it will be a temporary relationship in your life at school.

So, no matter what the bullies think of you, if you are going to automatically break up with them after graduation, I don’t think you should be afraid to take any action you can take to solve the bullying.

It’s only a temporary relationship with the bully at the moment anyway!

There is more than one way

In the words of Ryoma Sakamoto, the most favorite historical figure of the Japanese people, there are these words.

There is no single path in the world of human beings.

There are hundreds, thousands, and ten thousands of paths.

Ryoma Sakamoto

Even if you stray from your current path, there are many other paths in reality.

The world you are in now is not all there is.

Depending on how you feel, you can go down many different paths at any time.

And even if you don’t work in the future, you will not die because of welfare.

I think that even if we stray from our current environment, we will eventually be able to manage our lives because we will basically never die.

As long as you are alive, you can do anything you want later.

But, once you die, there is nothing more you can do.

If you are in pain and would rather take your life, I think you should run away from that environment for now.

And after you have secured your safety, I think you should try something new.

So, I think you should not take your situation too seriously and just think, “Even if the actions I take from now on are not good, I will not die, and I will be able to manage my life.”

I’ve had an unusual life so far, but I’ve managed to live it so far!

Why does bullying happen?

I would like to consider why bullying occurs in the first place, and I think the problem is that there is an environment in which bullying is likely to occur.

For example, in my case, bullying suddenly stopped when I started going to college.

The environment changed from high school to university, and the people I met changed completely.

The people I met were all good people.

I think the reason why this happened is because the environment became more open and fluid.

For example, at my university, the same students were never in the same classroom for a year or two.

Even seats were free, classes ended after six months, and everyone disbanded.

People are very fluid.

In contrast, in my junior high and high school, a fixed number of people in a fixed seat were in the same space all the time.

People are fixed.

And when the same students spend all their time in the same classroom in a small space, bullying gradually occurs.

For example, there is a famous experiment conducted in the U.S. called the “Stanford Prison Experiment.

In this experiment, people who were physically and mentally normal were divided into two groups, one as prisoners and the other as guards, and their behavior was observed, but halfway through the experiment, the guards began to abuse the prisoners.

Finally, the situation escalated considerably, and the experiment had to be terminated much earlier than planned.

The people who played the role of guards were very normal people, with no physical or mental abnormalities.

Even these people, when they spend time in such a closed environment, start to bully others.

In other words, universities were open and people were fluid, while junior high and high schools were fixed and the environment was closed, and I think that this difference in environment has a significant impact on the occurrence of bullying.

And unfortunately, I think it is also a reality that people will start bullying others as long as they are in such an environment.

People are basically creatures that want to be superior to others, and I think this is what causes bullying.

This nature works very effectively for people to grow through friendly competition with others, but at the same time, it causes this kind of bullying problem, and I think it is difficult to separate the bullying problem from our human society.

But, this doesn’t mean that bullying is inevitable, and it is a fact that bullying is still bad behavior.

That is why I think it is important to deal with bullying.

You should have a card in your hand to confront or run away when you are bullied.

And again, it is not your fault.

Human nature and being in an environment where bullying is likely to occur is a major cause of bullying, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you being bullied.

I strongly want you to be aware of this.

Conclusion

Based on my actual experience of being bullied, I have expressed my opinion about bullying so far.

I am not sure how effective what I have written will be in your case, as each bullying situation is different, but I hope it will be of some help.

Finally, I would like to reiterate something.

It means that there are many fun things waiting for you in your long life ahead that you don’t even know about yet.

You don’t have a millimeter of right to let bullies ruin your life.

Rather, I think it is ok to assume that it is the bully who deserves to have his life destroyed.

You have done nothing wrong.

So, don’t hesitate.

When you send out an SOS, send it out with all your might.

When you run away, run away as fast as you can.

I hope that you will get out of the narrow world of bullying, step out into the wider world of life, and experience many fun things.

There are many, many paths.

This is the message I, a former bullied child, want to convey to you.

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