Relationships are really complicated.
I don’t think there is anything else in the world as troublesome as relationships.
I, too, have had a lot of trouble with relationships.
And after 30 years of living my life with many problems, I have gradually come to understand the secret of relationships.
In conclusion, I would like to say that it does not matter if the relationship is broken or not.
It is neither an absolute right nor an absolute wrong to maintain good relationships.
And there is no need to be a good person at all.
Rather, I think there are quite a few people who would benefit from being disliked.
In this article, I would like to talk about what all these things mean, and I would like to share some relationship tips that I, an ultra social misfit who can’t build relationships, have acquired after suffering from a lot of troubles.
Well, relationships are really not that big of a deal.
I think it would be better if we could live our lives with a more relaxed mind without worrying too much about relationships.
Relationships should be basically cold
Do we really need to keep our relationships in good shape all the time in the first place?
I don’t think it is necessary at all.
You should say what you want to say to the other person, and if you want to fight, you should fight.
There is nothing wrong at all with conflict with others.
It is much worse to hold back what you want to say, or to try to force yourself to get along with someone you don’t like and hold on to the stress.
There is no need to do that.
You should say what you need to say and say “No” to things you don’t like.
But if you do that, you will be more likely to conflict with others than before.
It is a matter of choice: should you put up with things so as not to disrupt the atmosphere around you in order to maintain good relationships, or should you increase the probability of conflict with others in order to live your life in your own way?
You must weigh the two options and choose which one is more valuable to you.
If you are reading this article, I assume you are, but if you are having a hard time with your current relationship and feel that it is more valuable to be open to conflict with others in order to live more like yourself, then you should deal with your relationship coldly.
If you have a good relationship with everyone around you, it will be difficult to refuse even a troublesome request because you are concerned about your relationship, and if you are in a situation where you have to warn someone close to you, it will be quite difficult to warn that person.
That’s how human beings are.
Once you have a deep relationship with someone, you naturally tend to suppress yourself because you are concerned about the other person.
If you value your relationships with those around you, you will not be able to value yourself as much.
In the end, you are the one who is burdened with stress.
Therefore, it is better to view relationships coldly, keep a certain distance from those around you, and build a relationship where you can always say what you want to say and conflict with each other.
It would be better to build a relationship where the relationship is so shallow that you don’t particularly care what the other person thinks of you.
If you do this, I think you will be able to live your life more like yourself without being scared of your relationships.
Of course, if you want to enjoy good relationships with those around you, that is perfectly fine.
But if worrying too much about relationships makes it hard for you or causes various other harmful effects, it would be better to rebuild relationships coldly.
I think it is important in life to prepare an escape route, not to leave a situation where the relationship is hard and you are trapped in various situations, but to prepare an escape route where you don’t mind if the relationship eventually breaks down.
I think you should take better care of yourself in this way.
As long as you don’t insult the other person, you’re OK with the relationship
Why should we always be sociable to those around us in the first place?
Whenever you interact with someone, you always make a soft facial expression, always raise the tone of your voice when you speak, rush to follow up when the atmosphere seems to be getting bad, add emojis at the end when you contact someone, and bend your neck or waist many times when you say goodbye to politely send them off.
Are these necessary?
Do we need to be so amiable?
For example, you may have been a little pissed off at an unfriendly waiter when you went to a restaurant.
But if you think about it carefully, the waiter didn’t insult you by saying you were stupid or an idiot or anything.
It was just that he was not very friendly.
And yet, I feel a little sorry for the waiter to speak ill of him.
The waiter did nothing wrong, and it is just that our expectations were too high, or that we were so ingrained with the value system of “being amiable = righteousness” that we got offended on the spur of the moment.
But even if the person is not very amiable, there is no reason to say anything bad about them unless they are insulting us.
Because the person has done nothing wrong.
And the same can be said about your attitude.
Even if you always seem cold and unfriendly, if you are not insulting others, you have no right to be criticized by anyone.
Of course, if you did something wrong, you should be blamed for it.
However, if you are not doing anything wrong, it doesn’t matter if we are not being sociable, does it?
It should be enough to act in a normal manner without being overly friendly or overly concerned about the relationship.
You should continue to have cold relationships with people in a normal way.
Whether you are unfriendly or not, as long as you don’t insult others, I think your relationships will pass the test.
You don’t have to get along with everyone
Generally, in Japanese elementary schools, students are taught to get along with everyone.
That is how I was taught as well.
But I have had a hard time trying to get along with various people.
Even if I didn’t like the person I was dealing with, I put up with him so as not to destroy the relationship completely, or I accepted various requests even if it was unpleasant in order to prevent the relationship from worsening.
That is why I sincerely believe the following now.
I don’t have to get along with everyone, and in fact, I can live a much better life if I focus on myself. Those lessons from elementary school won’t help me at all when I start working.
In a society made up of such a wide variety of people, it is impossible to get along with everyone. Absolutely impossible!
Since there are so many different kinds of people in the world, it is perfectly natural that some people will get along with others and others will not.
Therefore, there is no need to feel guilty if there are various people you don’t like, and there is no need to go through unnecessary stress trying to maintain a relationship with such people.
Getting along with everyone is not absolute justice.
Since I stopped trying to get along with everyone, I feel that my life has become much easier.
Although I say that I stopped getting along with everyone, it does not mean that I tried to cause any trouble or started making fun of those around me.
As I explained in the previous chapter, I simply draw the line at not insulting others, and the rest of the time I just keep normal, assuming a cool relationship.
But by doing so, I have a lot less to worry about in this super complicated thing called relationships, and my relationship stress has definitely decreased dramatically.
It is impossible to get along with everyone. It’s impossible. It’s impossible.
I really think that elementary school teaching was bullshit.
They were con people, con people.
It doesn’t matter if you are disliked
I understand the feeling of not wanting to be disliked.
I used to be very afraid of being disliked too.
But I have had many tough times because I cared too much about relationships, and I have changed my way of thinking, and now I think it is okay to be disliked.
Or rather, I think it is inevitable to be disliked.
There are many different types of people in the world, including good people, bad people, and strange people, and the more you try to live your own way, the more people around you will dislike you.
Therefore, it is better to accept that being disliked is inevitable and give up on the idea of being liked by those around you.
If you don’t want to be disliked, then live your life paying close attention to the moods of those around you.
You can live your life with good relationships and keep your feelings being suppressed.
But if you don’t like it and it is hard for you, don’t be afraid of being disliked anymore.
You should take great advantage of being able to live your life as you are and accept that you will be disliked.
Besides, it doesn’t mean you are going to die if someone dislikes you.
Even if being disliked makes you feel uncomfortable in your current environment, you can simply leave that environment in the end.
And I think you should consider yourself lucky because you are now free from unnecessary stress in the future because you are no longer associated with people who don’t fit in with you.
Even if the other person doesn’t like you, as long as you didn’t do anything wrong, you can be confident about it.
It doesn’t matter if the relationship is broken or not.
People may say that it is better to have good relationships, but I don’t think that is true at all.
In fact, I think it is much worse to care too much about relationships and neglect your own feelings.
Rather, say what you want to say clearly, conflict with each other if you have to, and if the relationship is going to break down there, let it break down then.
If it does, it means that you and that person had that kind of relationship after all. That’s all there is to it.
I think it is more rare for a relationship to be completely broken after just one conflict.
If you have done nothing wrong, there is no need to feel guilty.
It doesn’t matter if people don’t like you.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t care about the relationship.
I believe that you will be able to look back on your life as a good one later on by living your life as you are even if you are disliked.
The criteria for being kind is whether the person is in trouble or not
Even though I have such a cool attitude toward relationships, there are moments when I am kind to others lol
My criteria for being kind to others is very simple: “Is the person in trouble or not?“
If the person is in trouble, I help them; if not, I don’t really care.
The word “I don’t really care” does not mean that I treat others roughly or condescendingly, but rather that I treat them in a normal way.
But by having this standard in my mind, I can basically treat others in a normal way, and I feel that I am able to help those who are in need.
And when that person in need is no longer in need, then all I have to do is treat them in a normal way.
Relationships will never be deep enough.
I think that having a standard of helping those in need and not caring about the rest can be quite helpful in building relationships that are cool but can also help each other.
So far, I have expressed my own personal theory about human relationships.
Well, there are so many people in this world that if you break a relationship with 10, 20, or 100 people, there will be plenty of replacements lol
Therefore, I don’t think it is necessary to be obsessed with relationships, and I think it is easier to live on the assumption that relationships can be broken.
People are trapped because there is no way out, and when it comes to relationship problems, I think it is very important to create a way out so that relationships can be allowed to break down.
Besides, relationships are about the other person, so there is no end to worrying about it.
I really have no idea what the right answer is in a relationship.
So, I think we should just let relationships break down and live life as usual without overthinking the rest.
Of course, if you are not troubled by relationships and your current relationships are fulfilling, you can ignore the contents of this article.
But those who are struggling with relationships in various ways do not need to take relationships too seriously, as described in this article.
It is natural for relationships to break down, to conflict, to be disliked, and so on.
If you have done nothing wrong, you should be confident in your actions.
And even if a relationship is broken once, it can be repaired.
So, well, I think you should not think too much about relationships and live your life with a more relaxed mindset.
Keeping good relationships is not everything in this world.
In fact, there are many people who are very successful even if many people don’t like them.
Even if you can’t build good relationships, there are many other strengths that you have, and it’s enough if you can use those strengths.
So, it is a cool ending.