I’m normal when I’m with friends, acquaintances, or colleagues.
I laugh and converse with them, and it is quite normal.
However, when I am with my family, it is completely different.
I don’t laugh at all in front of my family, as if I have become a different person.
I rarely speak to my family, and when I do, the tone of my voice is dark.
It’s as if I’m trying not to show my emotions in front of my family, I’m just expressionless and mute.
I don’t want to invite my friends to my house as much as possible.
Maybe it’s because I don’t want to show my true emotions to my family by talking with my friends.
However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t like my parents.
In fact, I think of my parents as more important than myself.
As such, I have a bit of a mixed feeling about my own family.
And I think that my parents’ education had a lot to do with why I became this way.
So what exactly happened in the process of my growth?
I hope that those who will be raising children in the future will use my case as an example.
I think that the education of parents affects the lives of their children more than you think.
- I was raised very strictly by my father, who had old-fashioned values
- I used to be a cheerful person, but I gradually became quiet
- I haven’t had a single conversation with my sister for over 10 years
- Suffering even after starting to work
- Why did I start to change my personality only when I was at home?
- When parents scold their children, it should be kept to a minimum
- How I feel now that I’ve been severely disciplined
I was raised very strictly by my father, who had old-fashioned values
I am the child of a father who was 40 years old, and I was raised by a father who lived in a slightly older time and had older values.
When I was still in preschool, my father used to throw me out of the house, lock the door, and make me cry in front of the door as part of my discipline.
My father was always angry with me for trivial things.
My father’s anger was like he was holding the child down from above, and he would just yell at the child without asking why.
I have also received corporal punishment. (I was slapped on the cheek in elementary school, but that was the only corporal punishment I received.)
When I went back to my parents’ house a few years ago, I watched a video of me and my family playing in the park when I was in elementary school, and my father was angry with me in the video for something trivial.
I also attended a cram school when I was in elementary school and was forced to study while crying every night because I was aiming to take the entrance exam for junior high school.
Whenever there was a problem I couldn’t solve, my father would get angry, and I would cry every night as I tried to solve the problem.
By the way, as you can imagine, I hated studying after that and never studied again.
In this way, I was raised very strictly, especially until I graduated from elementary school.
My father was always angry with me and I cried a lot.
My home was not a safe place for me at all.
I used to be a cheerful person, but I gradually became quiet
When I became a junior high school student, the strict discipline at home did not change, just that I no longer studied for exams every night.
As usual, my father was often angry with me for trivial things.
And I gradually stopped talking at home.
I think we all do when we reach puberty.
However, in my case, it has been that way ever since I was an adolescent until now.
Later I went to high school and college, but I no longer laughed at home or chatted with my family.
My friends and I used to tell each other jokes and chat about various things.
But when I go home, my personality completely changes.
When I’m at home and when I’m away from home, I’m a completely different person.
It’s not that I try not to talk to my family, but it just happens on its own.
I haven’t had a single conversation with my sister for over 10 years
I also have a younger sister who is two years younger than me, but from the time I was in the upper grades of elementary school until the day before I graduated from college and moved to Tokyo, I never spoke a word to her.
My family environment was completely distorted.
When I was about in high school, my father once cried and said to me, ” Please, get along with my sister.”
It was the first time I had ever seen my father cry, and now I think it must have been very painful and sad for my parents to be in that kind of family situation for so long.
But I never communicated with my sister or my parents again, and the time I spent with my family was completely lost.
Suffering even after starting to work
I also feel that my father’s strict discipline has had a negative impact on my life at work.
I have a hard time expressing my own opinions to others.
If I don’t understand something, I can’t ask the people around me about it.
I think it is because there is a fear in my mind that what I say will be denied.
I think I’m overly afraid of making mistakes because the fear of “I’ll get scolded if I make a mistake” has been ingrained in me through the rigorous nightly study.
I am also overly concerned about what people think of me, and I am often scared of the atmosphere around me.
I feel that this is largely due to the strict discipline I received as a child.
I was not brought up to be spontaneous but was brought up to be strict and cramped, so I think I became defensive when expressing my opinions to others.
I have an unconscious fear that what I say will be strongly denied, and I think this is the main reason why I have not been able to show my independence since I started working.
Why did I start to change my personality only when I was at home?
I think I was born with a heart that is a little more sensitive than others.
And even though I am sensitive, I think that my father have been very strict with me, which has caused irreparable damage to my heart and completely closed my mind.
My sister received the same kind of education, but she talks normally with her parents at home.
In my case, I think my mind is unconsciously putting on the brakes as if I shouldn’t do anything at home.
I am normal when I meet my friends outside my house, and my personality changes only when I am at home.
If I could have a good time with my family at home, of course I would, but for me, it’s not possible.
I don’t think I’ll be laughing or chatting with my family at home in the future.
Until the death of my parents.
When parents scold their children, it should be kept to a minimum
I have had this experience, so I don’t want your family to be like mine.
I was very bright as a child, but actually I had a sensitive heart.
As you can see, I think the nature of a child is surprisingly hard to understand.
Even if the child does not appear to be sensitive at first glance, he or she is actually a sensitive soul, and a casual comment from a parent may leave a big scar on the child’s heart.
There is a limit to the severity of discipline.
In my family, discipline was beyond limits, and my mind was closed.
It is okay to scold your children when they do something wrong, but I strongly recommend that you do so without being too harsh.
I strongly believe that scolding a child too harshly can lead to bad results.
A good example is me, who completely changes my personality when I go home.
How I feel now that I’ve been severely disciplined
However, as I mentioned at the beginning of this article, it’s not that I don’t like my parents.
In fact, my gratitude to my parents for raising me is much greater.
Also, my mother is a really kind person.
She is very kind and very gentle.
I don’t remember my mother ever getting angry with me, and she was always very calm, but I was never able to rebel against my father, then I said some terrible things to my mother and made her very sad.
Even though my mother has always been kind to me, my behavior at home and my harsh words and actions toward her have made her sad for a long time, so now I want to risk my life to show my filial piety to her.
Even though I can’t behave normally at home, I want to somehow regain the lost family time and make my kind mother happy.
When I see pictures of my mother holding me as a baby, my heart aches with sadness, thinking that she must have dreamed of an ordinary and happy family.
I am now determined to overcome any hardship for the sake of my mother, who was the only one who loved me and accepted me.
I have an unwavering belief that I will give back to my mother in the best way I can.
And of course, I also want to repay my father.
Now, he seems to be reflecting on his harsh discipline in the past, and he is now a gentle old man.
When I go back to my parents’ house, my father treats me to a lot of things, and I feel some kind of atonement in that.
I think my father wanted me to grow up to be a good person.
There were no textbooks on education, and I’m sure they worked very hard to raise me.
My father is self-employed, so I later heard that there were times when our family was struggling financially quite a bit. (My parents pretended to be normal because they didn’t want to make me feel uneasy)
Even so, I have graduated from university and am now working for a company in Tokyo.
So I feel indebted to my parents, but I don’t feel any hatred towards them at all now.
I think it is a real shame that the family environment is distorted by inappropriate education because if the parents care about their children, the children will eventually feel this way even if the education methods are not good.
I think that’s a tragedy.
I have talked about the education I received at home and the feelings I currently have towards my family.
It’s very complicated.
I think that it is a tragedy when a sad parent-child relationship lasts forever.
Because no one took offense.
That’s why I hope that you will not become like me and build a better family relationship with your children, and I hope that you will use my experience as an example and keep your scolding to a minimum.
Of course, sometimes children do bad things, but they also have a conscience, and if they are able to live with their teachers and friends at school in a good way, I think they will grow up to be desirable even if their parents do not always interfere with them.
In my opinion, we should have a little more faith in children.
Based on my experience, I believe that it is better for parents to give their children a spontaneous education while developing their strengths, and If I ever have children of my own, I plan to raise my own children spontaneously.
I want to break this cycle of grief.