Hi, I’m Taro(@rockbarsity).
On this page, I want to introduce myself lightly.
Well, if you’re interested, please read on.
Nobody’s interested in you
Shut up, you moron.
Stop complaining, snail
I’m a dinosaur! Idiot!
…Anyway, just tell me a little bit about yourself.
Born on June 15, 1991. Born in Kochi, Japan.
My hometown is the most forested place in Japan.
Height 167cm, weight 60kg of variable type.
I work for an IT company in Tokyo, developing applications and operating systems on weekdays.
On my days off, I make music, paint, write blogs, research news I’m interested in, study English, and when I lose my concentration, I take a walk, watch YouTube, or Pornhub.
I also like baseball.
Good side – Light
I’m good at composing music and have written over 300 songs so far.
While I’m confident that I’m second to none when it comes to creating catchy melodies, I also have a certain handicap. (I’ll talk about that later).
I am also interested in society, and watch the news and often consider various things.
I often have questions about things in the world, and I like to find answers to them. I love philosophy.
As you can see, my original ability is 100% pure humanities, but if I am a little different from other artists, it is that I can think somewhat logically.
I’ve been working for an IT company ever since I started working, and although I experienced a lot of hardships by being in a field that was the complete opposite of my qualities, it helped me to hone my logical thinking skills.
So, as a result, I can do a wide variety of things now, such as writing code and developing applications while making music.
Bad side – Shadow
But I feel that I have a hard life, and I look back now and think that I have actually had a hard life in my life.
When I was a student, I was bullied daily by various seniors and classmates at school.
When I was about to graduate from university, the death of my beloved grandmother caused me to develop a mental disorder that caused my face to contract and grin regardless of my intentions, and after losing control of my facial expressions, I began to suffer tremendously in human relationships.
Also, in parallel with my work, I dreamed of becoming a professional musician by the age of 25, but it never came true and I was greatly frustrated.
It was a complete lack of ability.
After that, I started working as a composer at a music agency that I happened to belong to, but no matter how many songs I kept writing, my songs were never accepted, and I gradually became mentally cornered.
In addition, on weekdays, I was busy with IT work that I was not suited for, I couldn’t understand anything that my colleagues said, and when I tried to explain my thoughts to others, my mind was a mess and I couldn’t explain at all, I made a lot of mistakes and caused a lot of trouble to others, and gradually I started to think that I was not needed in this world.
My work and private life continued to go wrong, and one day, when I made a big mistake at work, I finally lost the thread of my heart and became depressed.
After that, I started to think about suicide every day.
I couldn’t find any value in my existence as I was useless no matter what I did.
I quit the music composition agency I belonged to, and at that time, I gave up my music career completely.
Moreover, the double whammy of depression and a mental disorder that prevented me from controlling my facial expressions was quite severe, and my mind was being eroded rapidly.
Fortunately, I didn’t commit suicide, but I kept making mistakes at work, and I had no confidence in my ability to live a normal life as a member of society.
Eventually, I felt an intense sense of crisis that the only way for me to survive was to do what I was good at, and I decided to resume my music activities through YouTube and other media.
But, since I resumed my activities in a mentally wrecked state, my mind was still out of energy, and even though I was struggling to do normal things, I kept trying various things and kept failing at them, which made my mental state very difficult and painful, and my life continued to be in a rough state.
And at work, I still had to work at a completely useless level, and eventually I was so overwhelmed by the amount of work that was beyond my low capacity that I ran away from the company.
Because of my mental disability, I hardly met anyone, and because I had never had a girlfriend in my life, I felt even more lonely and bitter when I was going through a tough time mentally.
In short, I was a social misfit.
I, who was not normal, couldn’t fit into a society that was run by normal people.
There are two sides to everything, the light and the dark, and while I had artistic talent and a keen sense of sensitivity, I also struggled with a mental disorder and a low aptitude for working in an organization.
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise
As you can see, I was a complete failure and not a normal person, but I wanted to do something about my difficult situation, so I read various books, managed to keep up with my work, frequently went into the sex industry, started doing various new things, and moved to a new place.
Then, little by little, my mental situation started to improve, and I accepted my situation, and little by little, I started to feel less depressed than before.
Many things happened, but it took me three or four years to finally get back to a “somewhat normal state of mind” from a “rock bottom state of mind.”
Before I knew it, I was able to get out of the tunnel of suffering
Even more surprisingly, before I knew it, I had become able to do IT work that I couldn’t do at all.
I had become able to think logically and communicate my thoughts to others more logically than before.
I no longer had trouble understanding what I was saying when I expressed my thoughts, and I had become able to organize and understand the explanations given by my colleagues in my own head.
This was probably due to my brain’s strong belief that “If I can’t change, I can’t survive in this world!” and my brain rewrote its circuits in a powerful way, I think.
From my own experience, I have come to believe that there is nothing that human beings can’t do and that the potential of human beings is tremendous!
I had 100 artistic ability and 0 logical ability, but I was able to acquire a certain level of logical ability and overcome the extremely painful illness of depression.
Although it’s hard to live
Although my mental state has returned to normal, it only means that I feel less depressed and less irritable to the extent that it interferes with my life, so I still find it difficult to live.
I still feel that I’m different from people around me, and my mental disorder has not been cured.
But I’m now thinking a little more positively that I will eventually have to live with this difficulty in my life.
So I think that it’s no good to keep looking at what I’m not good at or what I can’t do, and now I’m living my life thinking, “I have things that I’m good at, so I’m going to focus my attention on those things and show my strength.“
And my strengths are in making music, painting, writing, and being crazy enough to do things that normal people can’t do, so now I’m thinking I want to positively utilize such strengths.
Ideal and Vision
Giving back to my parents in a big way by becoming a successful artist
I’m confident that my songwriting skills are second to none.
I can also paint unique watercolor paintings, and I am interested in society and politics, so I have studied them personally and have had many unusual life experiences, so I want to utilize all of my individuality to pursue an art form that only I can create.
I will pursue a one-of-a-kind art form, unbound by conventional ways and fuckin’ common sense!
Don’t underestimate a social misfit!
Also, I want to repay my parents for their hard work by becoming successful artist.
I caused a lot of pain and sadness, especially to my mother, by raising an unusual me.
In spite of this, my mother has always been on my side and has always been gentle and kind to me, so I want to repay her in a special way that only an unusual person like me can.
I want to repay her in a big way for making her so sad.
My mom is a big fan of the Japanese band Spitz, so I hope that I will be successful as an artist, and one day I can bring her and Spitz together for dinner.
I want to feed her many delicious foods, take her on many trips that she has always wanted to take, and when she gets sick, I want to give her the most advanced treatment with less pain and make her life easier.
I want to be successful and powerful as an artist, and I strongly, strongly want to repay her for her kindness, which I have always envisioned for her.
Toward a society full of diversity
Also, as I mentioned above, I have experienced a lot of things that I’m different from people around me, and I strongly believe that our society needs to become a society where each individual’s differences are viewed in a more positive light.
In recent years, the word “diversity” has been used a lot, but I believe that we need to spread the idea that “it’s okay for everyone to be different” more and more in our society, and because everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, I think that society has developed so richly and broadly by having people specialize in different areas of expertise.
In other words, we should not only focus on what we are not good at, but we should also pay more attention to what we are good at.
In order to bring out the best in people, we have to accept the worst, and we have to consider the good and the bad in total.
If we only focus on the bad points of each individual, nothing good will come out of it. Instead, I believe that we need to accept the differences in individuality and focus more on the good points of others.
With the vision of creating a society that is more tolerant of individual differences and full of diversity where individuality is respected, I want to actively send out messages that only I can do.
Value paving the way
I have been through a lot, but from now on, I want to place importance on paving the way and challenging various things without underestimating my potential.
I’m not smart, but I think my strength lies in the fact that I have a strong heart, and I’ve made it this far without giving up, even though my heart broke once and almost broke many times after that.
But as I will continue to take on difficult challenges in the future, there will be some degree of hardship.
But, it is also true that the view when you overcome hardships is very special, and I want to somehow overcome them in the end, even if I have to face difficulties in achieving my goals.
I think that is the best part of life.
If hard things happen to me, let them happen. I have a limited life, but let’s see how far I can go with all the strength I have
to be continued…