Nice to meet you, I’m Taro(@rockbarsity).
On this page, I’d like to introduce myself as the guy who runs this site.
Well, if you’re interested, please read on! 😉
Nobody’s interested in you
Shut up, snail!
I’m a dinosaur! Idiot!
…Anyway, just tell me a little bit about yourself.
Born on June 15, 1991. Born in Kochi, Japan.
My hometown has the most forest in Japan.
I was born and raised in such a place.
I am currently working for an IT company in Tokyo, where I develop applications and operate systems.
On my days off, I make music, write blogs, research news I’m interested in, study English, and when I lose my concentration, I take a walk, watch YouTube, or Pornhub.
Also, I like baseball.
Good side – Light
I am good at composing music♪
I have written over 300 songs so far.
While I am confident that I am second to none when it comes to creating catchy melodies, I also have a certain handicap. (I’ll talk about that later.)
I’m also interested in society and like to think about things, so I often watch the news.
I often have questions about various things in the world, and I like to find certain answers to them in my mind. I love philosophy.
As you can see, my original ability is 100% pure humanities, but if I am a little different from other people who have humanities ability, it is that I can think about things somewhat logically.
I have been working for an IT company ever since I started working, and although I experienced a lot of hardships by being in a field that was the complete opposite of my qualities, it helped me to hone my logical thinking skills.
So while making music, I can write code and develop applications, and as a result, I can now do a wide variety of things.
Bad side – Shadow
However, I still find it hard to live, and in fact, looking back, I think I’ve had a pretty tough life so far.
When I was a student, I was bullied by various seniors and classmates at school.
When I was about to graduate from college, the death of my beloved grandmother caused me to develop a mental disorder that caused my face to twitch and smile regardless of my intentions, and since then I have suffered a lot in my relationships.
And while I was working and dreaming of becoming a professional in music by the age of 25, it eventually did not come true.
I was completely lacking in ability.
After that, I started working as a composer at a music agency that I happened to belong to, but no matter how many songs I kept writing, my songs were never accepted, and I gradually became mentally cornered.
In addition, during the daytime, I was busy with IT work that I was not suited for, I could not understand anything my colleagues said, I could not explain my thoughts to others at all, I made a lot of mistakes, caused a lot of trouble to others, and everything went wrong in both my work and private life.
Then one day, when I made a big mistake at work, I finally lost my mind and became depressed.
And I started to think about suicide every day.
I couldn’t find any value in my existence as I was useless no matter what I did.
I also quit the music agency I belonged to, and at that time, I gave up my dream of music completely.
In addition, the double whammy of depression and a mental disorder where I couldn’t control my facial expressions was quite hard, and my mind was being eroded rapidly.
After that, fortunately, I did not commit suicide, but as expected, I made many mistakes at work, and I had no confidence in my ability to live a normal life as a member of society anymore.
Before long, I had a keen sense of crisis and realized that the only way for me to survive was to live by what I was good at, so I decided to resume my music activities through YouTube and other media.
However, since I resumed my activities in a mentally wrecked state, my mind was still out of energy, and since I kept failing at every challenge I took on after that, it was very hard on me mentally and my life continued to be in a rough state.
And at work, I was still doing only low-level work, and eventually I was overwhelmed by the amount of work that exceeded my low capacity, and finally I ran away from the company.
Because of my mental disorder, I did not meet people, and because I had never had a girlfriend in my life, I felt even more lonely and bitter when I was going through a difficult time mentally.
In short, I was a social misfit.
I, who was not normal, could not fit into a society run by normal people at all.
There are two sides to everything, the light and the dark, and despite having a talent for art and a keen sense of sensitivity, I was troubled by my mental disorder and my low aptitude as a worker in an organization.
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise
I was a complete failure and not a normal person, but I wanted to do something about the painful situation, so I read various books, managed to hold on to my job, spent a lot of time in the sex industry, tried various new things, and moved to a new place.
There were many difficulties along the way, but after three or four years from the beginning of my rock-bottom state of mind, I finally returned to a somewhat normal state of mind from the rock-bottom state of mind.
Before I knew it, I was out of the tunnel of suffering.
And surprisingly, I became able to do the IT work that I couldn’t do before I knew it.
I became able to think logically and communicate my thoughts to others more logically than before.
I was no longer confused about what I was saying when I expressed my thoughts, and I became able to organize and understand the explanations from my colleagues in my own mind.
I personally think this is probably because my brain strongly felt that if I couldn’t change, I wouldn’t be able to survive in this world, and my brain circuits were intensely rewritten.
From my own experience, I believe that there is nothing that human beings cannot do if they try, and that the potential of human beings is tremendous.
I had 100 artistic ability and zero logical ability, but I was able to acquire a certain level of logical ability and overcome the painful disease of depression.
Even if it’s hard to live with
And even though my mental state has returned to normal, it only means that I am less likely to feel depressed or irritated to the extent that it interferes with my life, but the difficulty in living still exists within me.
I still feel that I am different from the people around me, and my mental disorder has not been cured.
However, I am now thinking positively that in the end I will have to live with this difficulty in living.
So now I’m living my life thinking that I can’t keep looking at what I’m not good at or what I can’t do, and that I’m good at some things, so now I’m going to focus my attention on those things and show my strength.
My strengths include making music, drawing paintings, writing, and the craziness of being able to do things that normal people can’t. So from now on, I want to actively and positively utilize my strengths.
I’m confident that I can write music and lyrics like no one else.
I also like to draw, I am interested in society, I have had some unusual life experiences, and I have a background in IT, so I want to use all of my individuality to pursue the kind of art that only I can do.
Just as the masters of Western painting revolutionized the field of art in the past, I want to create not only art with high universal value, but also art that will blow away people’s sense of values.
I won’t be constrained by conventional methods or common sense, and will continue to pursue one-of-a-kind art, sometimes pushing the envelope!
Don’t underestimate a social misfit!
I would also like to repay my parents for their hard work by becoming a successful artist.
My mother is very fond of the Japanese band Spitz, and I would like to be successful as an artist so that I can bring her and Spitz together for dinner one day.
To do so, I need power.
Raising an unusual and different me has caused my mother to spend a lot of difficult and sad times.
In spite of this, my mother kept smiling and treating me calmly and kindly, and I would like to repay her in a way that only an unusual person like me can.
I have caused her a lot of grief, so I want to repay her in a big way.
I need power.
I hope to succeed as an artist and someday give back to my mother in the way I have always imagined.
Aiming for a society that values diversity
Also, as I mentioned above, I myself have experienced many things that are different from those around me, and I believe that our society needs to become a society where each individual’s differences are perceived more positively.
In recent years, the word “diversity” has been mentioned a lot, but I believe that we need to instill the idea that “it’s okay for everyone to be different” into the backbone of our society, and because everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, I think that our society has developed to this point by having people specialize in different areas of expertise.
In other words, I believe that we need to focus more on what a person is good at, instead of focusing only on what he or she is not good at.
If we only focus on the bad points of each individual, nothing good will come out of it. Instead, I believe we need to accept the differences in our personalities and focus more on the good points of others.
With the vision of creating a society where each individual’s differences are more tolerable and where individuality is respected, I would like to actively communicate in a way that only I can in the future.
Valuing creating a path
I have been through a lot, but in the future I would like to place importance on creating a path and challenging myself to do many things without underestimating my potential. While having fun😝
I’m not the smart one, but I believe that my strong point is the strength of my heart, and I’ve made it this far without giving up, even though my heart broke once and almost broke many times after that.
However, I will continue to challenge myself with difficult things, and sometimes it will be hard to some extent.
But it’s also true that the view when you overcome the toughest things is very special, and I want to somehow overcome them in the end, even if there are difficulties in achieving my goals in the future.
That’s the best part of life, in my opinion.
If hard things happen to me, let them happen. I have a limited life, but let’s see how far I can go with all the strength I have
to be continued…